Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
