I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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