I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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