Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
