My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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