haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
