so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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