you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
