had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
