Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
