Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
