Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
