I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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