sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
