NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
