I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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