You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
