Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
