The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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