U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My dick has a subreddit
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
