hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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