just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
