And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize