The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
