When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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