did you get engaged???
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
