I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
