i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
