i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
