like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
