they need to just BURY HIM!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
