I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
