Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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