It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
