Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
