ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
