The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
