Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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