i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
