He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
