im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
