Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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