I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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