I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
