her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
