I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
