i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
