i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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