He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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