You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
