Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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