worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
