We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
