I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
