The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
