Your face is a jimmy john
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
