Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
