She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Boobs speak an international language.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
