sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
