so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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