hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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