Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
