I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
