He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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