youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
