my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
