This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
