only if we run a train.
done.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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