I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize