she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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