Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
